Some classic insults

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it. – Moses Hadas

An exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, ‘If you were my husband, I’d give you poison,’ and he said, ‘If you were my wife, I’d drink it.’

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: ‘Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.’ ‘That depends, Sir,’ said Disraeli, ‘on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.’

He had delusions of adequacy. – Walter Kerr

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. – Winston Churchill

A modest little person, with much to be modest about. – Winston Churchill

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. – Clarence Darrow

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. – Abraham Lincoln

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. – Oscar Wilde

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one. – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one. – Winston Churchill, in response.

I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here. – Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator. – John Bright

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. – Samuel Johnson

There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure. – Jack E. Leonard

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. – Robert Redford

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. – Charles, Count Talleyrand

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? – Mark Twain

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. – Mae West

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination. – Andrew Lang

He has Van Gogh’s ear for music. – Billy Wilder

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx