Maxim for (autistic) Christian living (10)

There is no 9th maxim in this series because Hopko was not consistent in his treatment of maxims 7, 8, and 9. Sometimes, he split Maxim 7 into eating good foods in moderation (7) and keep the Church’s fasting rules (8) with Maxim 9 advising us to spend time in silence every day. On other occasions, he offered a single Maxim 7 on eating and fasting and split Maxim 9 into practising inner and outer silence (8) and spending time in silence every day. I have chosen to use the combined versions of both maxims.

So, Hopko’s 10th maxim becomes ‘Do acts of mercy in secret.’ But mercy is not limited to socially typical expressions like spontaneous small talk, volunteering in chaotic environments, or reading subtle social cues. Acts of mercy can include very concrete, structured forms of care that align with the strengths of neurodivergent Christians: praying by name for others, giving alms online, preparing food or practical help in advance, writing clear messages of encouragement, or using your special interests and skills to support the Church and people in need. What makes them truly merciful is not how ‘normal’ they look, but that they are offered quietly before God, without seeking recognition or praise, even when no one understands how much energy they cost you.

This maxim is also a protection for autistic people who have often been shamed, misunderstood, or taken advantage of in church contexts. Doing acts of mercy ‘in secret’ does not mean letting others exploit you or ignoring your own sensory, social, or executive-function limits; it means that your main ‘audience’ is Christ, not whoever happens to notice. It can be an act of mercy to set boundaries that prevent burnout or meltdowns, to choose forms of service that you can sustain (such as behind-the-scenes tasks, data work, setup and cleanup at quieter times), and to step away from roles where your difference is mocked or erased. Hidden mercy can even include things like patiently regulating your own sensory overload so you do not lash out, or quietly leaving a triggering situation instead of escalating; God sees these as real labour, even if others only see you as ‘quiet’ or ‘odd’.

Because many autistic people experience chronic rejection, isolation, and exhaustion, it is important to remember that you are also a proper recipient of mercy. Sometimes the most honest ‘act of mercy in secret’ is allowing yourself to rest, to seek therapy or support, to ask for an accommodation at church, or to accept help without self-contempt, so that you can continue to love God and neighbour over the long term. You may find it helpful to choose one or two small, repeatable mercies that fit your sensory profile and energy (for example, lighting candles and praying for people, sending one message of encouragement a week, or discreetly funding someone’s needs), and to consciously offer them to Christ with a prayer such as: ‘Lord, receive this little act as love.’ In this way, Hopko’s maxim becomes a path by which autistic ways of perceiving, persevering, and caring become unique channels through which the mercy of God flows into the world.

Maxim for (autistic) Christian living (8)

Hopko’s eighth maxim advises us to,

Practise silence, inner and outer.

This means learning to be present to God without constant noise, words, or inner commentary. In other words, it is about finding ways for your whole being to rest in Christ. Inner silence may mean gently stepping back from repetitive mental loops, over-analysis, or replaying conversations, and simply sitting before God with the Jesus Prayer, a short psalm verse, or even a single word like ‘Lord’. Outer silence may mean deliberately stepping away from devices, notifications, and information for a short time, so that your nervous system and your heart can become a little less overloaded and a little more able to notice God’s presence.

Because autistic sensory systems are often either overwhelmed or under-stimulated, silence needs to be adapted, not romanticized. For some, ‘silence’ will actually include gentle sensory supports: soft lighting, noise-cancelling headphones, a weighted blanket, or quiet music that helps your nervous system settle enough for prayer. You might schedule very small, predictable amounts of silence – five minutes after morning prayers, ten minutes after work, a brief pause before entering church – rather than aiming immediately at long periods that leave you distressed or dissociative. If your mind races or scripts conversations during these times, you are not failing at silence; you are simply noticing what is already there, and you can keep returning, gently and without self-hatred, to a short prayer or to simple awareness of your breathing before God.

This maxim also has a social dimension that can be particularly complex for autistic people, who may either talk very little or ‘infodump’ at length. Practising silence here does not mean masking your autism, but allowing space to truly listen when others speak and to recognize when continuing to argue, explain, or correct will not bring peace. It can be an act of asceticism to hold back from online debates, from constantly checking for messages, or from continually rehearsing conversations in advance (or, for that matter, after the fact), and instead to entrust misunderstandings and unfinished dialogues to Christ. In all these ways, ‘inner and outer’ silence becomes a merciful, structured practice that honours your autistic neurology while slowly teaching your heart to stand quietly before God, without fear and without shame.

Maxim for (autistic) Christian living (7)

Hopko’s seventh maxim, ‘Eat good foods in moderation and fast on fast days’, is rooted in the understanding that food is a good gift of God, not an enemy to be conquered or a god to be served. For an autistic Orthodox Christian, this means resisting both obsessive preoccupation with food (tracking every gram, endlessly researching diets, catastrophic thinking if routines change), and a kind of practical Manichaeism that treats certain foods as ‘unclean’ in themselves rather than receiving all things with thanksgiving and discernment. Food becomes truly Christian when it is eaten with gratitude, with a blessing, and with the intention that your body be strong enough to love God and neighbour in prayer, work, and service. So, moderation is not merely ‘eating less’, but eating so that your body remains a servant of your nous (heart, centre of soul), rather than your nous becoming a servant of your belly.

However, autistic people often live with real sensory issues, interoceptive differences, and very concrete needs around blood sugar and routine, and these should not be ignored in the name of a false asceticism. If you struggle to notice hunger or thirst, interoception-aware strategies such as setting alarms for meals, using visual schedules, or linking food to fixed daily events (after Matins, after work, before Compline) can be a humble, ascetical way of ‘keeping watch’ over the body, rather than a lack of faith. Choosing ‘good foods’ here can simply mean foods that you can tolerate sensorially, that nourish you and keep your blood sugar reasonably stable, so that you are less vulnerable to meltdowns and ‘hangry’ episodes that make prayer, confession, and peaceful relationships much harder. This may involve eating smaller, frequent meals, ensuring some protein and fat at each meal, and having safe, predictable snacks available before services or stressful social situations.

Given that fasting is an integral part of the Orthodox life, neurodivergent Christians will need to do so with discernment, taking into account their sensory, medical, and psychological needs. The Fathers insist that there is no single rule of fasting for everyone, but one common goal: the point of fasting is to use food for salvation, not self-destruction. Precisely what this means for each individual is something to be discussed with your parish priest or spiritual father/mother with a view to finding a modified rule of fasting that maintains the routines and nutrients needed to prevent meltdowns/shutdowns, while still gently limiting excess, emotional eating, or impulsive snacking. Thus, Hopko’s maxim becomes a compassionate path that enables us to receive food as gift, honour our autistic wiring, and slowly train both body and soul to live in grateful, watchful freedom before God.