Maxim for (autistic) Christian living (33)

Hopko’s 33rd maxim, ‘Listen when people talk to you’, can be hard when you are autistic – not because you do not care, but because auditory processing, sensory overload, and anxiety make listening costly. It is worth noting that this maxim does not require autistic Orthodox Christians to satisfy neurotypical expectations: it is not about making perfect eye contact, responding instantly, or decoding every social nuance. Rather, it is about doing what love makes possible so that, when someone speaks to you, you offer as much genuine attention as you can cope with at that time. Listening can become an ascetical act: you receive the other person as an icon of Christ, within your limits, instead of vanishing into your inner world or your special interest whenever interaction becomes uncomfortable.

Because your ability to listen changes with context, this maxim needs practical supports and honest communication. You might:

• Tell friends, ‘I listen better if I’m not looking at your face’, and allow yourself to look away or stim while they speak.
• Ask for one-to-one conversations in quieter places when something important is being discussed, rather than trying to follow talk in loud cafés or busy spaces.
• Use clarifying scripts: ‘I heard X; is that what you meant?’ ‘Can you repeat that more slowly?’ or ‘I’ve hit my listening limit; can we continue later, or can you put this in writing?’

Listening also includes noticing when your brain has already jumped ahead – to planning your reply, connecting the topic to a special interest, or defending yourself – and gently returning to what the other person is actually saying.

Beware of letting this maxim be weaponized to keep you in situations that are abusive, shaming, or sensory‑unsafe. You are not obliged to keep listening when someone is attacking you, denying your humanity, or ignoring clear boundaries. Sometimes the most truthful way to ‘listen’ to such behaviour is to recognize it as harmful and leave, or to say, ‘I can’t continue this conversation’. However, within healthy relationships, this maxim can shape small, realistic goals: letting the other person finish what they are saying without interrupting; staying with a friend’s story even when it is not your topic; listening carefully in confession or spiritual direction and asking for clearer, concrete guidance when you do not understand. Lived this way, ‘Listen when people talk to you’ becomes less a demand to perform neurotypical social skills and more a call to let your focused, detail‑attentive mind become a gift: offering others the rare experience of being truly heard, within the honest contours of your autistic life.